I was born very intelligent – I don’t want to talk about it much, but yes, really – so I had always trouble with standing out. You know, 13-14-year old kids don’t actually tend to read a lot, play with PCs and stuff – at least, they didn’t when I was that old. In these years, young people worship being just as everyone else, because they fear of being different. 

Nowadays, of course, people want to show there special in every possible way, show they’re different. But I never thought about it this way – I always just acted how I felt it – how I felt about the whole situation that went around me.

So, I guess I always went my own way.

The problem is, going your own way means that you possibly hurt people – you don’t have to “want it”, you just do. Because, you don’t want to be slave of someone’s will. So it’s just natural, that from time to time, your will is just against someone else’s.

I never liked those moments. Knowing you have to hurt somebody – I hurt many people many times. I’m not proud of it, but it happens, and I’m sort of sad always.

I hurt my parents, choosing my own way, refusing to go to school which doesn’t have any sense for me, just because is “natural”. They don’t see, that the only thing the school is good for – finding a better job – is the thing I fear most. Life on safe path – school, uni, job, woman, kids and house and dogs… I fear it.

Just once I hurt my friend (boy) and let him down… Because of a girl. Don’t want to say about it more… for now.

And many times, I hurt girls. It just happens. When somebody wants you, likes you or anything, they take it very hardly, when you don’t feel the same way. And I hate it, but acting as girls want me, could eventually end up hurting them even more… And who wants that?

So, yes, I walk my own way, I tend to choose the path I like more, even if it’s harder… and I guess, it’ll be this way forever. End.

People judge others not only by how they act, but also how they look. There are things I can’t change, but there are things I can change. The way I live – it is very unhealthy. Your health condition also affects how you look and also, it is said that you treat others just like you treat yourself. Enough said. Let’s change.

Based on my previous life, I wasn’t that good after all. I hurt too many people already, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being selfish, living, leaving and being leaved every other day. I met so many people, and so many people left as I go through the life it is not possible to count. After all, it was someone’s decision to leave you.

But, wasn’t there any other option? Wasn’t it your – or, in this case – mine decision? Wasn’t there any other way?

You know, it is said, yet again, that there is no perfection. There is just so much “I can’t”‘s, people hold their hands high and surrender to all attempts to be perfect. I say no!

I know I can be better, I will. Beginning from the inside, doing what I have to do, what I swear to do all the long way to outside, way how I look, how I act. Everything will change. Or, maybe not change completely, but everything will be polished to perfection.

I know I’m imperfect, but I will fight with it.

With that knowing and also being whole world for somebody, I can change the world, can’t I?

That’s what I call quite a start. I was writing for a couple years a while ago, but quit, because it felt very strange, and the whole community around my blog somehow fell apart.

As you might noticed (or haven’t yet, maybe?), english is not my native language, but I swear I’ll do my best, so you won’t read something that doesn’t make sense. IF you’ll read my posts, after all

Anyway, that should be it, i’m really tired and not just as excited as I should be, since I’m writing my first blog post!

What you might expect: a bit of love, a bit of hate – a lot about girls , something about music… and definitely some stuff about inner feelings of strange man. That’s it folks, i’m off for today.

R.C.

P.S.: If you somehow got here, spread the word or leave me a message, I’ll be glad.